So easy an English major can do it!

I picked up a new hobby 2 weeks ago, and I’ve become addicted. It has become a part of my morning commute.

Is it something cool? Nope!

Is it cardiovascular? Absolutely not!

Are you the only person on the bus doing this? Sure am!

2 weeks ago, I got hooked on Sudoku puzzles. 

As a matter of fact, just last Friday night I completed 4 of them!

Yes, you read that correctly, I said Friday night.

I snuggled up on the couch, watched the 11 o’clock news, and solved a few Sudoku puzzles.

Later that night I applied Bengay to my entire body, gave my dentures a good scrubbing, and fell asleep to the Golden Girls.

Actually the Golden Girls part might be true. I do love Bea Arthur, and our voices are frighteningly similar. 

What's that you say? My life is pathetic? Yes, yes it is. 

Say that again? 22-year-olds should go out on Friday nights? Yes, yes they should.

Pardon? You agree that I sound like Bea Arthur? And I look like her too? Why thank you.

But enough about my feminine voice and exciting social life.

Two Mondays ago, I got on the bus and spotted an abandoned Boston Metro newspaper. I opened up to the crossword section, but the Sudoku puzzles caught my eye instead. Or perhaps I just have an aversion to crossword puzzles because I'm an uncultured swine.

Anyway, the directions read:

How to play Sudoku: Fill in the grid so that every row, every column and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1-9. There is no math involved. You solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic.

Is it me, or is that written in an incredibly condescending tone?

It might as well say, “So easy an English major can do it!”

I accepted the challenge and set out to complete my very first Sudoku puzzle.

45 minutes and two pencil erasers later, I got off of the bus with a blank Sudoku puzzle in hand and eraser particles all over my jeans.

It wasn’t until I sat down in my cube, however, that I noticed the eraser particles. Everyone  —  not just the group of construction workers — was staring at me on my walk to work.

I should've known something was up.

Long story short, it took me an entire week to successfully complete a puzzle. Apparently my logic and reasoning skills are comparable to my math skills.

I am the dumbest McKenna, after all.

Moving on.

As long as we're on the topic of the left side of the brain vs. the right side of the brain, I was always under the impression that those who lack math skills have very good people skills.

[Insert buzzer noise here]

Wrong.

I disprove that theory altogether. I'm about as socially awkward as they come. 

It doesn't help that I have overactive sweat glands. Too much information? Sorry. Just wanted to give you some insight as to why I'm so awkward. And that's just the beginning.

More to come on my social awkwardity. (I'm a "writer." I'm allowed to use poetic license.)

And more to come on my malfunctioning brain. Both sides.

Woe is me.